Creating and Managing Your Boundaries

In my previous article on boundary setting, we looked at just what a boundary is, what happens when we don’t have clear boundaries, and who should set them. In Part 2 of this article, we look at how we can practically outline what our soul wants (and doesn’t want) from this life and the other people in it through setting and maintaining boundaries. Boundaries are the definition of our soul’s purpose, reflecting the energy of infinite love from the Source.

When do we know that a boundary is missing, damaged or has been breached?

When we don’t have boundaries, we get sick. In this way, our illnesses, are largely expressions of a soul which is out of tune with its purpose. Think of the last time you had a big flu. You probably rested, spent a lot of time away from others, were kind to yourself and concentrated on recovery. If you didn’t know it, you were refilling an empty tank. Your boundaries had probably been breached or weren’t there to begin with. But should we wait until we get sick to know that we have boundary issues? Not always. There are signs we are out of balance energetically, and it often comes from exchanges we have with others. It is important to wake up to how we are feeling. You may have exchanges with people who make you feel sapped or deflated. Or it could be a work situation where you are repeatedly giving too much and getting little in return. You are giving away your power and your energy, by not having a clear boundary defining what you want and need. On the other hand if you have breached someone else’s boundary, you may feel incredibly inflated. This is often difficult to sense, because we feel so good after the exchange. The best way to know if you have taken too much is when you feel like you need to ‘make up’ for something. If you walk away from a situation with a sense of unfairness in the pit of your stomach, then a boundary has probably been breached one way or the other. How do we respond? We can respond by communicating. Or we can respond simply by doing.

How do we define our boundaries?

Physically, our skin is our first boundary. How do you treat your physical body? Do you rush though a shower without any heed of what it needs? Do you feed it beautiful things? Mentally, our behaviour is a boundary. As is our discriminating thought. Your sphere of sight, your range of right and wrong, is different from the next person’s. It is important to develop your own set of morals, apart from other people, your family or institutions. “What do I think about this?” Do you behave a certain way because someone else has set an expectation and you have turned it into a boundary? To set any boundary, you don’t have to ask anyone. It is the relationship between you and Source which helps to set the boundary, a relationship of love. So boundaries should be set from a place of love, not a place of fear. When we remember that the body and mind are vehicles for the soul, physical and mental boundaries become the expressions of what is valuable to the soul. So what do you value? If you don’t value it to the core of your being, then is it worth including in your set of boundaries? Do you feel it in the pit of your stomach? Dr Stephen Covey, author of the book 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, frequently used the metaphor of the funeral. He asked his readers to write their own epitaph.

It is a great way to look at outlining our soul’s purpose, defining our boundaries. Your tombstone is the effect your energy would have had in this world. Yours will be different from the next person’s. How do you want to be remembered?

“Here lies Anne, her children always got to school on time.”

Is that going to be on your tombstone? Is it valuable to you? If not, then don’t put so much pressure on yourself, and your children, to make it happen. When we see things this way, we can begin to make little changes every day, to lose the things we hold onto which aren’t our own. This gives us room to hold on to the big things in our lives that really resonate. It also ensures that we can ‘stand in our own power’, and not feel the need to take energy from others in order to feel better. Your boundaries which are decided in love, will feel easy. If your driver is right, you will find setting boundaries will cause little resistance. This doesn’t mean there will be no fallout. Some relationships will disintegrate, some will change, yes. But the fair friendships and partnerships, will always be there. It can take a lifetime to outline the soul. Don’t feel like this all has to be done in one brainstorming session. Slow down, reflect. Life sends you lessons when you need it. You make a choice about where you sit in relation to things, and when you do, life will be easier following that lesson. Elzette Harper is a fully qualified homeopath, practicing Aperture Homeopathy ™, both in Australia and internationally.  Find out more about how homeopathy consults work at her practice, Return to Health.

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